Social psychology research indicates that unhealthy perfectionism is on the rise—and it’s not good for us as leaders and humans.
Unhealthy perfectionism is exhausting. Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection:
Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best.
Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth.
Perfectionism is not self-improvement.
Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.
Please. Perform. Perfect.
And perhaps the most compelling point as it relates to our development, Brown writes:
Healthy striving is self-focused—How can I improve?
Perfectionism is other-focused—What will they think?
It’s important to be curious about the emotions related to perfectionism. Are they pleasant or unpleasant? How much fear and anxiety is rooted in believing that we are never doing enough or not worthy enough? What internal narratives fuel self-criticism and negative emotions?
Enter Your Inner Critic
This is where the inner critic comes in and may be more useful than we think. Many of us have been taught to silence that voice but that is the opposite of what we need to do. The inner critic is an internal voice that provides critical feedback on our actions and decisions as leaders. This voice often highlights mistakes, doubts capabilities, and scrutinizes performance, aiming to ensure that we as leaders meet high standards and avoid failure. While the inner critic can sometimes undermine confidence, it also plays a vital role in fostering self-awareness, promoting continuous improvement, and encouraging a realistic assessment of the abilities and actions of ourselves and those we lead.
In my work, I have noticed some key characteristics of how the inner critic shows up for Senior Leaders and how to recognize the voice and differentiate it from other intuitions to create more choices and options throughout our day.
The inner critic often feels like self-doubt full of questions about our abilities and hesitation with decision making.
The inner critic often feels like perfectionism as written above through our setting high standards for ourselves and others that are potentially unrealistic.
The inner critic often feels like fear of failure causing an overdeveloped focus on the potential for failure.
The inner critic often feels like negative self-talk; an internal dialogue that focuses on perceived weaknesses and past mistakes impacting confidence and self-esteem.
When we don’t listen to our inner critic it runs wild often leading to stress and burn-out eventually impairing our relationships and our effectiveness as leaders. However, these words from Marcus Aurelius hold the key …
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
The inner critic has power, and when heard and harnessed, it can even show us the way.
Harness The Energy of The Inner Critic By:
- Embracing Self-Reflection: Leaders who set aside regular time for self-reflection to understand the messages from their inner critic will have access to momentum that didn’t previously exist. Journaling, meditation, or engaging in reflective practices can help leaders process these thoughts constructively.
- Seeking External Feedback: Balancing the inner critic with external perspectives is crucial. Leaders who actively seek feedback from mentors, peers, and team members to gain a more balanced view of their performance and areas for improvement will start to see positive change.
- Developing Self-Compassion: Leaders benefit from practicing self-compassion to mitigate the harshness of their inner critic. Recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that imperfection is part of the human experience can help leaders be kinder to themselves.
- Setting Realistic Goals: The inner critic often thrives on unrealistic expectations and perfectionism. Leaders can manage this by setting realistic, attainable goals and acknowledging small wins along the way.
- Cultivating a Growth Mindset: Adopting a growth mindset helps leaders view challenges and criticisms as opportunities for growth rather than as threats to their competence. This mindset shift can reduce the negative impacts of the inner critic.
- Fostering Empathy and Humility: An active inner critic can foster empathy and humility, as leaders who are aware of their imperfections may be more understanding and compassionate towards others’ struggles and mistakes.
- Developing Resilience: Leaders who effectively manage their inner critic develop resilience more rapidly. By learning to navigate and overcome their inner doubts and fears, they build the mental toughness necessary to face any number of setbacks.
The inner critic has the power to stand in the way or to become the way. The only one that can decide its direction is you …
“You have freedom when you’re easy in your harness.” – Robert Frost
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